you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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