you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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