i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
