cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know her cup size but not her name....
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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