Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....