Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
