she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
