So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
