i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I've blown a few things in my day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
