Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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