There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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