Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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