i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
