Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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