my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize