I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
