if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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