hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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