He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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