his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
