The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
