I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
