Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
honey bunches of taint.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
