so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
