Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
