Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
