No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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