Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
