He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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