I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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