I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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