I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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