That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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