Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
