Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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