Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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