Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
