Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I wish my penis had an off switch

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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(864): View more from South Carolina

We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep

(732): View more from New Jersey

sorry. that wasn't for you

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(713): View more from Texas

I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes

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(815): View more from Illinois

im sober

(920): View more from Wisconsin

you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

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(540): View more from Virginia

Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.

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