Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
