if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
