Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
