How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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