If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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