I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
