I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
