we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
