At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
