Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
