Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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