Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
whose ass print is on the piano?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
