In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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