The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
