i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
