Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you had me at cake vodka
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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