Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
