so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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