Have you finally orgasmed yet?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
