When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
