He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I could fuck to npr.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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