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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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