got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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