I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
