Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize