Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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