I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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